Otherwise: A Tale of Two Rimmers
by HanaToZoYuki
Summary: Set in season 8. Now that the Red Dwarf has been found and the crew have been recreated, what would happen if HoloRimmer, who left to become Ace, returned?
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: Like my other Red Dwarf fanfic, this one takes place during season 8, sometime after Casandra but before Only the Good. it's got a bit ofslash slant, but you can read it either as true feelings coming to the surface, or just a guy missing a close friend of his.

i don't own Red Dwarf or its characters. this is merely an expression of a fan's appreciation.

……

**Otherwise: A Tale of Two Rimmers**

By Li Izumi

………

**Part 1**

When he was being honest, Rimmer could admit to himself that he wasn't the best with technology. After all, he had continuously failed his astronavigation exams and had been stuck in a dead-end job as a glorified vending-machine repairman for much of his life. He had learned to pilot well enough over the years since his death, but it wasn't like he had much of choice when there was only his hologram self, Lister, Cat, and Kryten left aboard the Red Dwarf. If he hadn't learned to handle the Red Dwarf and its shuttles, Blue Midget and Starbug, who would? (Well, ok, he had only done any real piloting after his light bee had been converted into hard light, as soft light holograms couldn't touch anything. But he had learned how to work things even before that conversion.)

So he had learned to manage well enough, but he knew he wasn't a genius or anything. Therefore, it wasn't any surprise to him that he had little idea how the ship he was on actually worked.

Fortunately for him, the dimension jumper had a very intelligent computer who was able to handle most of the regular activities, such as jumping dimensions or standard repairs. (The only problem being that the computer had been in love with the last Ace Rimmer, and didn't care so much for this Rimmer. And that was yet another indication, as if he needed another one, that Rimmer was having a difficult time trying to fill the role of Ace.)

Still, despite not know quite how the ship worked, Rimmer had gathered some general sense of it. Whenever he dimension jumped, the ship seemed to generally hone in on the location of where that dimension's Rimmer existed.

Time was also a bit strange. Sometimes the ship led him to a dimension where Rimmer had been living back on Earth, while other times it would lead him to deep space, where the Red Dwarf still plodded along three million years after its crew died in that radiation leak. Rimmer couldn't tell if the ship moved him through time as well as dimensions, or if different universes moved at different paces.

Some dimensions were quite similar to the one he left. Others weren't the slightest bit recognizable. But Rimmer continued on, acting as Ace to continue Ace's mission to seek out new dimensions and to help as he could.

And that was the problem, really. No matter how many missions he went on, how many people praised him, or how many women threw themselves at him, Rimmer didn't FEEL like Ace. He felt like he was only playing a part. He wasn't Ace Rimmer; he was just acting like him.

He felt as if he was completely alone in a crowd, or as if he had food in his mouth but couldn't swallow.

It was a dreadfully lonely feeling.

Granted, he probably should be used to such feelings. After all, he had felt alone all his life. He grew up in a home where his father was distant and constantly disappointed, his brothers tormented him, and even his own mother didn't love him.

Now he was getting praised and adored, but it wasn't him. It was only the role he was playing that everyone adored. They didn't know the real him. They didn't care about who he was.

And yet, there had been one person who had cared in some way for the real him. Someone who had stood by him despite everything that he had done.

Lister.

It was odd really. Neither particularly liked the other. They were complete opposites, and had got on each other's nerves from day one. And yet, they were forced together as roommates.

It wasn't until Rimmer's death, when Holly had brought him back as a hologram, that the dynamics between Lister and him had started to change. After all, it was just them. Nobody else was left alive.

They had become some sort of team, though Rimmer hadn't thought of it like that at the time. Admittedly, his selfish tendencies and natural cowardice sometimes made him a bit less of a team player. Still, the team had become very important to Lister, and he made an effort to keep it together.

In fact, Lister had gone out of his way several times to save Rimmer's life. Even after Rimmer just might have kind of abandoned Lister and the others to a psychopathic simulant to save himself, Lister still came after and rescued him from the planet Rimmer had been stuck on for several hundred years.

Even though they didn't really like each other, Lister really was the best friend he ever had, and the person who cared the most about him in his entire life. It really was odd how it had worked out.

And now, the further his travels took him, the more Rimmer found himself longing to return to the one place that had become his home. He tried to ignore it—he was usually quite adept at ignoring thoughts and feelings he didn't want to think about. And yet, at random moments, the desire to go home would nearly overwhelm him.

Finally, after resisting the idea for as long as he could, Rimmer announced to the computer that they were going to return to the dimension in which he had come from. It was time to head home.

……………..

Rimmer couldn't stand the feeling he got in the pit of his stomach when the ship jumped dimensions. It was like something was reaching inside and stirring up his innards. The first few times, he had to struggle not to become ill. Now, he was just left feeling nauseous and dizzy for several minutes after each jump.

When his equilibrium had returned sufficiently, Rimmer peered out the view screen, searching eagerly for the familiar shape of the Starbug. He was quite surprised when he saw the Red Dwarf before him instead.

He was even more surprised when the familiar head of Holly appeared on the computer screen. It wasn't just surprising to see Holly again—they had lost Holly when they had lost the Red Dwarf all those years ago—Rimmer was also shocked to see that Holly had returned to his original male appearance, rather than that of his lost love Hilly.

"Hey, Dude. What's happening?" Holly said with his normal nonchalance.

"Holly!" Rimmer exclaimed excited, completely forgetting that he ought to be using his Ace voice. "They found you again!"

"Is that you, Rimmer? I hardly recognized you there."

"Well, various things have happened…"  
"Yeah, same here. Actually…" Holly looked a bit concerned. "A lot has happened here."

The nauseous feeling in his belly had changed over to a tight knot of unease. "Is something wrong Holly?"

"It might be better to explain over here on the Red Dwarf. But we'll have to get you in here quietly, to keep your presence hidden from the main Red Dwarf computer."

"I thought YOU were the main Red Dwarf computer, Holly."

"Yeah, about that 'lots of things have happened here' thing…Look, just follow my instructions and I'll sneak you in and explain everything on board here, ok?"

The knot had doubled in size. He was no longer merely uneasy but fully afraid. "Has something happened to Lister!"

"He's well enough, I suppose," Holly said impatiently. "It's taking up all my abilities just to keep your ship off the main radars, so you think you might hurry things up a bit?"

His unease increased. He had returned to the right dimension, hadn't he? But the situation was vastly different from what it had been like when he had left. What was going on with the Red Dwarf? Had something horrible happened? Was Lister in danger?

…………….

Rimmer paced nervously in the bunkroom that Holly had led him to. He anxiously wondered again if he had made some sort of mistake in the dimension jumping and had entered a different dimension than he had intended.

First there was the Red Dwarf itself. Simply, it didn't even look like it used to. Then there was this mysterious section of the ship that he had no previous knowledge of. A prisoner colony? On Red Dwarf? Holly mentioned as he directed Rimmer that this prison had been top secret, even to most of the officers, and none of Lister and Rimmer's previous wanderings throughout the empty ship had led them any where near the section, therefore it had remained unknown.

It was just too strange. Perhaps this wasn't the dimension he had come from. It was immensely different from how he had left it. And yet, strange occurrences seemed to thrive with the Red Dwarf.

Still, what was Lister doing in the brig? This room was smaller and more uncomfortable than their original room, let alone the officer's quarters they had moved into. That meant that someone had probably put Lister in the brig. But who? Cat was a gimboid, but that wasn't his style. Kryten adored Lister, though as an android, perhaps somehow his programming had been changed? Maybe it was whoever had stolen the Red Dwarf from them?

But then, why was Holly, the ship's main computer, desperately trying to keep Rimmer's presence on the Red Dwarf hidden from the ship's main computer?

After directing Rimmer to the bunkroom he had said was Lister's, Holly said he would send Lister over to explain what had happened. Rimmer would soon have the answers, and know for certain if this was the right dimension or not.

Rimmer continued his pacing. How long had it been since he had left? Months, or perhaps years? It was hard to know, with all the dimension jumping he did, and the strange way that time moved in various dimensions. Obviously a bit of time had passed in this dimension. But how much?

Rimmer found himself fidgeting. Should he leave the Ace wig on or take it off? Should he speak like Ace or talk normally? The Cat and Kryten didn't know he was really Rimmer, so he concluded that he would have to act like Ace if they were with Lister. But what if it was just Lister…? How should he act then?

Several minutes had already passed since he entered the room. Surely Lister would be along shortly. Rimmer found himself at a loss as what to do with his hands. He smoothed his hair a bit, and made certain the Ace wig was properly secure and in place. What should he say when Lister came into the room? Something dashing, he supposed.

"Hiya Skipper. Long time no see, eh ol' boy?" Rimmer drawled like Ace as he posed in front of the mirror.

He looked like a git, Rimmer thought with disgust as he looked at his reflection. What was wrong with him? Why was he feeling so nervous? He took a deep breath and tried to calm down. He needed to be suave and cool.

Another deep breath, and another. Ah, that was getting better. He was calm. He was cool.

"What's the deal, Holly?" Rimmer started at the familiar voice as it approached from down the corridor. "Why is it so important for me to go back to the bunk? So important, that I even have to miss the weekly movie? They're showing revenge of the teenage mutant vampire surfer girls!"

And then there he was, standing in the doorway just as Rimmer remembered him. Well, ok, he was in a prisoner's uniform, but beyond that…

"Hi, Listy," Rimmer squeaked.

"Hey, Rimmer," Lister nodded. And then he did a double take. "Rimmer! Is that really you!"

Trying to recover his cool again, Rimmer didn't trust himself to speak again, so he merely nodded.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be off, having grand adventures?"

His botched greeting meant he couldn't use his Ace voice now. Still, he could try to sound cool. With feigned nonchalance, Rimmer shrugged. "Well, you know how it is, every day a new adventure, a new universe to save. Needed a bit of a vacation, so I thought I'd drop by, see how the ol' crew was doing." Dropping the smarminess out of his tone, Rimmer continued as a touch of the nerves he was feeling reached his voice. "What's happened here, Lister?"

"A lot," Lister admitted. "It's a bit of a tale." Lister indicated that Rimmer should sit down at the table in the center of the room, and Lister sat in the other chair opposite.

Lister recounted the past year's activities since Rimmer had left. He explained how Kochanski had joined their crew when she got stuck in their dimension. He related their adventures fighting rogue simulants and trying to get away from the missus and other gelfs that they had run across. He told Rimmer how he had gotten infected by a deadly virus, and had his arm cut off.

Then he explained how Kryten's plan to use his nanobots to restore Lister's arm led to their finding of the Red Dwarf—altered by the vagrant nanobots and left as scrap as a new planetoid.

"And so when we finally got them to cooperate, the nanobots completely rebuilt the ship according to the original specs."

"So that's why the ship looks different," Rimmer nodded in understanding.

"Yeah."

"But what are you doing here? In the brig, I mean."

Lister looked uncomfortable. "Yeah, about that. See, when I said the nanobots completely rebuilt the ship, I mean they really, completely rebuilt it. …Including all the crew."

Rimmer's eyes widened. "What? You mean they're all alive again?"

Lister nodded. "Yeah. Selby, Petersen, and me mates are all back. Hollister's back. Everyone's back."

"That's incredible!" Things were starting to make sense. But there were still some things he didn't get yet. "But why are you in the brig?"

"For various reasons. But mostly…well, you know how when we were all alone on the Red Dwarf, we went through all the crew's personal files?"

Of course he did. It had been his idea. He had wanted to find out what Hollister had said about him, and then they just went on from there. It had been something to do, on the empty ship.

Rimmer nodded, and Lister continued.

"Well, that sort of came out. And so me and the others got sentenced to two years in the brig."

Rimmer smirked. "I always knew one day you'd end up in the brig."

"Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, smeghead. It's not like I'm alone in this. YOU'RE in the brig too."

"Ah, but Listy," Rimmer said in full smarmy-mode. "I'm just visiting you. Holly snuck me aboard, so nobody else knows I'm here."

Lister shifted uneasily in his seat. "Um, yeah. So you're just visiting, right?"

Rimmer gazed at Lister curiously. What was with his reaction there? There was definitely something odd.

Rimmer averted his eyes and ran his finger along the edge of the table distractedly. "Well, I figured I'd come…home, for a bit of a break. I don't know how long I'll stay..."

"I…see."

Rimmer glanced at Lister again. He was definitely uncomfortable with something. What was he thinking? Could it be… could it possibly be that Lister was disappointed that he was only just visiting…?

"I…" Rimmer said softly. "I missed you."

Lister was looking solidly down at his hands folded in his lap. "…I missed you too…" He took a deep breath and continued, "I mean, I am glad to see you. It's just…"

"Listy, what on earth are you doing back in the bunk? They're playing your favorite movie this week…"

Rimmer started as another Rimmer entered the room. The Rimmer in the doorway came to a complete stop, his eyes wide as he noticed Rimmer sitting next to Lister.

"What the smeg is this!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Otherwise: A Tale of Two Rimmers**

By Li Izumi

………

**Part 2**

Arnold Rimmer stopped short as he entered the cell he shared with Lister. He had heard voices coming from the room and expected to merely see Lister chatting with that strange Cat person, or perhaps the annoying android, Kryten. Rimmer most certainly didn't expect to see sitting there a complete stranger.

Ok, so maybe complete stranger wasn't quite right, as the person sitting across from his roommate looked just like him. Ok, so maybe that wasn't quite right either, as the other Rimmer had glorious blond hair (several inches longer than Rimmer's quite proper military short style) and was dressed in a stylish leather coat, far different from the standard uniforms Rimmer would wear. If Rimmer was in the mood to be honest about himself—that is, honest about his own insecurities and self-loathing—he might possibly admit that the other Rimmer perhaps might slightly be more attractive than he was. But Rimmer was never in a mood to be honest with himself—his arrogance was a complicated defense mechanism that was fully entrenched in being—and so he drove such thoughts firmly from him mind.

"Listy, who is this?" Rimmer nearly growled as he stared at the other Rimmer, surprising even himself with the harshness of his tone.

A look that might have been annoyance flashed across the other Rimmer's face. Then just as quickly, it was replaced by a brilliant smile and a disgustingly chipper expression.

"Hi ol' chap," He drawled, holding out his hand. "I'm Ace Rimmer, hero and space adventurer."

Rimmer ignored the man's offer for a handshake. "What is he doing here?"

Bringing his arm down awkwardly, Ace continued as if Rimmer had directed the question to him and not Lister. "I've had a… few… adventures with 'Skipper' here, and thought I'd come around for another visit."

"Skipper?" Rimmer repeated incredulously, his eyebrows rose so high they nearly seemed to arch above his hairline. "Skipper and Ace? How charming!"

Lister sighed loudly.

"Sounds like a boy with his pet bush kangaroo."

"Original…" Rimmer overheard Ace mutter, the smile slipping from his face.

"Ace was…is…" Lister started. With a quick glance at Ace, Lister tried again, "Ace came from another dimension as a test pilot for a dimension hopping ship."

"I see. So Ace is an alternate me?"

Again, Lister glanced quickly at Ace before answering Rimmer. "…Yeah."

Typical. Here was a prime example of who he might have become if he had ever gotten a break in his life. If he had gotten even just one little break, then maybe HE would have the perfect hair and an exciting life as a test pilot.

Ace… He had always wanted his future officer chums to call him 'Ace.' Now it seemed a revolting name.

And why was Lister being so chummy with him?

"So now you've had your visit, when are you leaving?"

"I have no intention of leaving just yet," Ace said, clearly annoyed. His drawling tone had dropped a bit, and he sounded more like Rimmer. "Listy and I have a lot of catching up to do."

'Listy' was HIS nickname for Lister. That nancy-boy should stick with his 'Skipper.' Rimmer glared at the other Rimmer.

Lister was looking back and forth between the two, and appeared more than a little uncomfortable. At last he turned to Rimmer and said quietly, "It has been a while since…Ace…and I have gotten to talk…"

Rimmer rolled his eyes. Great. Now he had to look forward to a night listening to that prancy little git and Lister prattle on. Just great. Now he would have to listen to Ace go on in excruciating detail to Lister, all about the exciting life he led. And did Lister even care that he had no interest in hearing about some other dimension's Rimmer and his great, wonderful, smegging-perfect life? "So fine," He said as he flopped down onto his bunk. "Well, go on. Talk. I could use a laugh."

"That is," Lister continued a tad awkwardly. "I mean, alone…"

Rimmer could feel his jaw drop. His mind was a flurry of thoughts, and it was nearly impossible for him to make sense of what he was thinking.

One thing that was clear in his mind was the thought that they wanted Rimmer to leave so they could be all chummy, and surely as soon as he was out the door they would turn to each other and laugh at the pathetic mess Rimmer was. Ace would brag about his exciting, wonderful life, and then Lister would tell him all about how utterly pathetic Rimmer was. And they would laugh and laugh.

Realizing he had been quiet for a while, and Lister was still waiting for some response from him, Rimmer tried to cover up his silence.

"I…um… just got into bed." That sounded awkward even to him. He hated feeling flustered. Anger filled him, and he lashed out. "It's my room too, and I have no intention of being sent out of it just because you want to get some action from nancy-boy over there."

Ace slammed his hands on the table as he shot up and moved towards Rimmer. Lister was there almost immediately holding him back, murmuring something.

Rimmer, who had pushed himself to the far end of the bunk as soon as Ace had made the slightest movement towards him, was only able to catch the last words of whatever it was that Lister was saying.

"…the same," Rimmer managed to hear. He had no idea what Lister was talking about, but whatever it was, it seemed to have stopped Ace. He continued to glare at Rimmer, but made no more motion towards him. Rimmer eased himself back onto his bunk, attempting to act as if he hadn't been frightened by the alternate him.

"Look, Ri… Ace, let's just go to another area, ok? It's not worth it."

Ace finally stopped glaring at Rimmer as he turned to face Lister. "Yeah, alright," He sighed.

Rimmer scowled. He thought quickly and then suddenly smiled, a hint of vindictiveness visible on his face. "The guards will be coming around soon enough to check the rooms. It'll have to be a quickie. Not that that's so unusual for you."

Again, it wasn't Lister who got upset by the jibe at him, but Ace. He turned to launch himself at Rimmer, but Lister held him back again. "I'll be back before check-in," Lister called back to Rimmer, ignoring the last bit that Rimmer had said. Then, to Ace, he sighed, "Come on. Let it go."

Scowling again, Rimmer glared as he watched Lister and Ace walk out of the room.

…………………

Lister couldn't help but roll his eyes as he led Rimmer out of the bunkroom. "Honestly," he muttered. "It's impossible to have two Rimmer's in the same room."

Rimmer continued to grumble under his breath.

Lister, exasperated, pointed out, "He's saying exactly the same thing YOU said when you met Ace! Exactly the same!"

Rimmer didn't respond, but he did look slightly abashed.

"Why does it bother you so much?"

"I was no where near as obnoxious as Ace had been!" Rimmer complained. "He had just waltzed into Starbug as if he knew everything and could do anything, showing off how great he was. And then he was so condescending to me!"

Lister arched an eyebrow. "As if you weren't trying to show Rimmer up back there? 'Ace Rimmer, hero and space adventurer,'" Lister mimicked.

"He was rude to me first," Rimmer insisted sullenly.

Lister shook his head. As if he had needed yet another reminder how much Rimmer couldn't stand himself. He had so much self-loathing buried underneath his arrogance and smegginess that it was utterly impossible for him to get along with any alternate version of himself. He buried his self-hatred so deeply that it was much easier for him to turn it outward and focus on another him rather than admit that he really couldn't stand himself.

First there was that disastrous time when Holly made two Rimmer holograms. And then that psy-moon fiasco. There was that first meeting with the original Ace. And to top it all off was the time on 'Rimmerworld' when Rimmer's clones turned on him and locked him in a prison for five hundred and fifty seven years.

And now yet again there were two Rimmers. Lister could barely stand ONE Rimmer, why was it that he continuously had to sort out the trouble caused when another Rimmer entered the scene?

"He responding just like you did when you met Ace. How can you blame him for acting the same way that you had?"

"Because he's a complete and utter smeghead."

"He's YOU!" Lister said exasperated.

"He's not me. I'M me."

"Weren't you always trying to find someway to prevent yourself from dying? Well, now you've been brought back to life."

"But he's not me," Rimmer insisted, a hint of what almost seemed like desperation in his voice. "I was trying to alter the past so I wouldn't end up a hologram. But the past is the same, and I'm still a hologram, and now there's some other version of me hanging around."

Having briefly switched bodies with Rimmer, Lister had some idea of how difficult being a hologram was. He knew how much Rimmer disliked only being a hologram. But even so…The situation was already giving him a headache. "Look, just stay here for tonight," Lister sighed, having led Rimmer to an out of the way storeroom. "And we'll talk more tomorrow, alright?"

Still sullen, Rimmer merely nodded.

Lister rolled his eyes and headed back to his bunk.

………………….

"That was quick. Just a 'wham-bam-thank-you-mister', eh Listy?"

Lister rolled his eyes. "You can be so incredibly childish. He's YOU…"

Rimmer cut in, "He's a pompous git."

"As I said, he's you," Lister shot back.

Rimmer continued to mutter about how Ace clearly had gotten the breaks that he had been denied.

Lister sighed. Gotten all the breaks? Maybe one might consider that of the original Ace, but this Ace was Rimmer. Lister had already had to spend the last several years subjected to the constant whining from Rimmer on how he had never gotten any breaks in his life, and how everything always went wrong for him. Now he had to listen to this Rimmer complain about how the other Rimmer had clearly gotten the breaks he hadn't.

Lister wanted to shout out 'No, really, he's you! He's your hologram self!' but he wasn't certain if Rimmer wanted this Rimmer to know that. Lister hadn't told anyone that Rimmer had gone off to become the next Ace, but continued to let them think that Rimmer had died instead. If Kochanski had been around then, she probably would have figured it out herself, but Cat was just generally clueless and could care less about Rimmer, and Kryten could be equally oblivious at times.

Speaking of the others, Lister realized, they would probably want to see 'Ace'. For his part, Rimmer would probably want to see people too. After all, when he had left, all the crew were dead and the Red Dwarf was missing. He said he had come to visit, and certainly that didn't mean just Lister. Rimmer would want a chance to visit everyone and reminisce. Well, as best they could as they were currently stuck in the brig.

"Hey, Rimmer."

"What is it?" Lister could hear clearly in his tone that he was still annoyed.

Lister wasn't entirely certain how he should ask, as he knew for certain Rimmer wouldn't like it, and with Rimmer already in a bad mood... Finally, he just came out with it. "Tomorrow, could you, y'know, stay in the bunk for a while during the day?" He could hear Rimmer sniff loudly in disapproval. In a rush he continued to explain, "I want to bring Ri… Ace around and it would be noticeable if there were two Rimmer's wandering around."

Rimmer was silent for a long moment, and Lister was certain he was ignoring him now. Suddenly Rimmer bit out, "Fine. Whatever."

Lister was somewhat surprised. He thought for certain Rimmer would put up a bigger fuss about the matter. After some consideration, he concluded that Rimmer probably figured the fastest way to get rid of the other Rimmer was to let him hurry up and visit.

It really was going to be a long few days, with two Rimmer's around. Lister really didn't want to be the one caught between them with all their anal neurosis, but at the same time, he couldn't really just leave them in the same room alone. Last time there had been two full Rimmer's, they quickly got into a very loud, heated roe.

As Rimmer had snuck back on the ship, the last thing they needed was a loud argument between the Rimmer's to make everyone aware that there was a second Rimmer aboard. And so, Lister would have to be stuck in the middle of this incredibly stupid mess. It really was going to be a long few days.

…………………………….

_Author's Note: Thank you for all your kind words. More is certainly coming, though it will likely be a few weeks (at least) until I can get the next chapter written._


	3. Chapter 3

**Otherwise: A Tale of Two Rimmers**

By Li Izumi

Part 3

Rimmer sat, feeling dejected, curled up on the floor of the storage room Lister had led him to spend the night. He had never been one to analyze his feelings—and he certainly wasn't going to start now—but he was definitely feeling more miserable than he usually did and he wasn't at all certain why that was.

Granted, this wasn't the homecoming he had been envisioned for so long. He had thought things would be a bit more…well, certainly different than this. He had thought that maybe… He shook such thoughts out of his head before they fully formed. There were some things he would not let himself imagine at all.

If he had been thinking realistically about this return trip at all, he would have known there wouldn't exactly be a warm welcome, even if it had just been the regular team, still stuck on the Starbug. After all, Cat made little effort to hide the fact that he didn't like Rimmer. Kryten thought he was a complete smeghead. And Lister… even Lister didn't really like him. Who had he been fooling when he thought it would be a good idea to come back?

How could he have possibly convinced himself that this was home? He had no home.

'I missed you too…'

He had seemed so sincere when he said that. No, that was ridiculous. What was he thinking? Lister couldn't possibly have actually missed him because… Because he…they… had already replaced him!

Rimmer felt as if he had been punched in the gut as that thought formed in his mind. He…they… didn't need him, didn't want him around. Rimmer had already been completely replaced.

Now he didn't feel miserable anymore. He didn't feel much of anything at the moment. He was numb… drained. No, that couldn't be it. Why should he feel like that? He was just exhausted. Yeah. That was it. He just needed to get some sleep.

But Rimmer did not fall asleep. Instead, he spent the night staring up at the darkened ceiling, not feeling anything.

………….

Rimmer must have dozed off at some point, as he suddenly found that Lister was in the room, sitting on the floor near him. Nearly instantly after Rimmer's eyes fluttered open, Lister said, "Ah, you're awake."

Rimmer could feel his cheeks warm slightly. "Were you…" He stopped himself before the question tumbled out of his mouth. After a brief hesitation, he continued with a different question. "Um… Were you waiting long?"

Lister shook his head. "Nah, just sat down, pretty much."

Rimmer nodded, trying not to think about what he had been thinking about the night before.

"Figured you'd probably want to go see the rest of the team today. I'm afraid we can't really go around the rest of the ship, as we're…I'm stuck in the brig. But then, you didn't have any friends, so I figure just the regular gang is probably fine."

Rimmer nodded, but he didn't feel very enthusiastic about it.

"I um…I didn't think it would be a good idea for you to wander about in your Ace clothes, so I brought you one of the prisoner uniforms." Lister held up the purple jumper.

Rimmer looked over at Lister, clearly annoyed. "I don't need actual clothes. I'm a hologram, Lister."

Lister looked taken aback. His hand that had been holding up the uniform dropped to his side. "Ah, right. I forgot I guess…" He lamely explained.

Forgot? How could he possibly have forgotten that Rimmer was dead? Well, all right, as a hard light hologram, he could actually tough and interact more like a normal human. But Rimmer was not about to excuse such a clearly deliberate, malicious oversight. Because clearly Lister 'forgot' since he had that OTHER Rimmer, who was alive and real.

"I didn't mean…" Lister started, but Rimmer cut him off.

"Just give it here so I can program my outfit appropriately."

Lister held out the jumper and Rimmer pulled out his light bee remote from his pocket. After a clicking a few buttons, the Ace jacket shimmered and was replaced by the familiar prisoner uniform.

"Is this alright?" Rimmer snapped.

"Yeah, ok. But are you going to leave your Ace wig on?"

"I don't want anyone to know I'm Rimmer!" He blurted out.

"We're trying to keep your presence on the ship a secret…"

"I meant Cat and Kryten," Rimmer said, but even he felt that was a lame excuse. He had wanted to go home, but he didn't want the others to know it was him. He couldn't hide the truth from Lister, who knew it already, but he just wanted to be warmly welcomed. In the dark of the night, Rimmer remembered that they weren't likely to welcome him warmly. None of them really liked Rimmer. They all adored Ace, though. They would be excited to see Ace. And so Rimmer didn't want them to know he wasn't' Ace. Even if it wasn't real, Rimmer just wanted feel just a little as if they were truly happy to see him.

"Look, they know that Ace is an alternate Rimmer. So just say that you cut your hair so you could appear to be Rimmer right now," Lister suggested after thinking for a minute. "I mean, we're talking about Cat and Kryten. They'll believe it."

Rimmer hesitated a moment then he took off the wig. It almost felt as if he had just taken off his last defense and now he stood exposed before Lister. It was an uncomfortable feeling. Desperate not to let his mind linger on that thought, he blurted, "How do I look?"

"Like Rimmer," Lister said quickly, and even he seemed to realize as soon as he said it that it wasn't the right thing to say.

Rimmer scowled. 'Like Rimmer'? But which Rimmer? He left the question unspoken. He knew he didn't want to hear the answer.

"So, um, shall we go then?"

Rimmer didn't say anything but merely followed Lister out glumly.

…………………..

Rimmer was surprised as he entered the room—how Cat had gotten himself a single, even Lister couldn't explain—despite Lister's forewarning and his own memory of what Cat had been like. It didn't look like a prison room but a fashionable boutique.

Even though Cat was only allowed to wear the prisoner uniform during his two year sentence, Cat had filled his room with various articles of clothing and other beauty care supplies. Most of the items were likely what Cat had had to leave behind when they had left on Starbug, but some of it might have been salvaged from Starbug's last crash onto the Red Dwarf. Rimmer didn't know, and didn't really care. He was just impressed with how much of it there was, overfilling the tiny cell.

"Hey Cat," Lister called out.

Cat looked up from washing his clothes, his tongue still half out. Upon seeing Lister, he grinned. "Hiya buddy, what's up?"

"Got you a visitor."

The Cat's smile faded noticeably when he saw Rimmer.

Trying to ignore the knot in his stomach, Rimmer grinned and spoke in the Ace drawl, "Hiya Cat ol' buddy."

Cat did a double take and looked at Rimmer confused. "…Ace?" He asked, clearly uncertain.

"It's been a while, but you are still as dashing as ever," Rimmer drawled some more. The lines were enough to make him ill, but as long as he kept going with what he was least likely say, he was probably keeping in the Ace character.

Cat's face lit up in a dazzling smile. "Ace! What are you doing here?"

With a calm nonchalance that he didn't feel at all, Rimmer shrugged. "I wound up back in this dimension and knew I had to stop in and say hello."

"Thought we'd head over to the women's quarters and bring Ace over to say hello to Kryten and Kris," Lister added.

It didn't take the trio long to head down towards the women's quarters. Lister signed them in and led them to Kochanski and Kryten's room. He alone had visited the room with any frequency.

Rimmer looked around confused. "You said Kryten was rooming with Kochanski. Why is he in the women's quarters?"

Lister snorted with laughter. "'Cuz they won't classify him as a bloke cuz he doesn't have a prick."

"He just IS one," Rimmer muttered.

Lister stopped laughing and gave Rimmer a sharp look. Rimmer glanced quickly over at Cat, who was oblivious of Rimmer's muttering and the looks exchanged between Rimmer and Lister.

Rimmer sighed. Lister was right; he would have to be more careful and not let out any of those kind of slips. He had been the one who didn't want the others to know he wasn't really Ace. But he was on the Red Dwarf seeing the old crew again, and he wasn't in his Ace costume. It was hard not to just slip out of the Ace persona.

They had reached the room and Lister strolled in casually. "Hey Kris, Kryten."

"Why look, Miss Kochanski. It's Mr. Lister. And the Cat." Kryten nearly did a double take. "And Mr. Rimmer."

Kochanski, who had continued reading as the others entered the room even looked up surprised at that. Apparently, the other Rimmer wasn't the sort who often came to visit them. That other Rimmer was most certainly taking it completely for granted that everyone was around. How would he feel if they all were suddenly gone and he was left completely alone? That smeghead likely would never know what that felt like!

"Oh, it's not that smeghead," Cat grinned. "It's Ace!"

"Ace?" Kochanski asked confused.

Though he was an absolute bundle of nerves, Rimmer sauntered into the room casually. "Captain Arnold J. Rimmer, hero and space adventurer!" He winked at Kochanski and continued to drawl, "But you can call me 'Ace'."

Rimmer caught Lister folding his arms tightly across his chest and rolling his eyes. Now what was his problem? Rimmer was keeping in character for 'Ace'. He was being disgustingly charming and…. Oh. Oh, that was it. Lister didn't like him being charming to Kochanski.

Well that was just too darn bad. He was merely acting like Ace. Besides, it wasn't like this Kochanski was with this Lister, according to what Lister had said the day before. She had some Lister in another dimension.

"So, Ace, what have you been up to?" Cat asked amicably.

"Wha, oh…" Crap. Cat's question had startled him out of his thoughts, and he had for a minute slipped back into his regular voice. Quickly recovered, Rimmer dropped back into the Ace drawl. "Just the usual," he drawled with a shrug. "Fight off evil hordes, rescue gorgeous princesses, and save the world again."

Rimmer needed little encouragement to go into some of the exciting adventures he had gone on since he left the Dwarfers. He was pleased to see that Cat and Kryten both seemed to be paying attention to his stories. Kochanski also seemed quite fascinated by his daring rescues.

He felt a bit nervous about looking over at Lister. Would he be impressed too? Would he think Rimmer was just making it up? Admittedly, Rimmer often used to tell stories about his past that were perhaps a little less than true. But this time, all the amazing stories had actually happened. He had gone on so many incredible adventures, and saved dozens of gorgeous girls who threw themselves at him.

But Lister alone knew he was Rimmer and not Ace. What would his reaction be…? Rimmer wasn't certain if he dared to even glance over at him.

Maybe… just a quick glance…

"Attention canaries. Please meet in the briefing room." A voice suddenly spoke over the intercom system.

Rimmer threw a glance over at Lister, but it was too late. Lister was looking up at the intercom, clearly startled by its sudden interruption.

"What's this?" Rimmer asked, quite confused.

"Oh, I didn't tell you about the canneries," Lister nodded. "Come on, and I'll explain on the way."

…………………

It was typical of Lister to get the group mixed in with something like the Canneries. Rimmer found that once Lister explained what had happened, he wasn't at all surprised that it had been because of Lister's idiocy.

Now Rimmer was stuck with them, going on this mission. What else could he do? Excuse himself so he could get the other Rimmer to go? That smeghead other Rimmer was getting all the breaks. It just wasn't fair!

"Alright," Cat grinned as the boarded the Cannery shuttle. "We've got nothing to worry about on this mission—we've got Ace with us!"

Rimmer felt less than enthused. Sure, he went on dangerous missions as Ace, but still, he didn't like to go on life-threatening missions. On one hand, this was the perfect opportunity to show off—to prove that he really had done all those incredible things he had been talking about. And yet, even as Ace, Rimmer constantly had to fight against his natural cowardice and push himself into danger. What would Lister think if he saw Rimmer's hesitation? What if this was the one time that Rimmer wasn't able to push himself forward? What if this was the time his cowardice won and he ran away again?

…………………………

The main thing he didn't like about Canary Missions was the lack of context. Being in the prison, Lister was no longer in the know on where the ship was or what was around them. It was sort of like being in a bubble—all he knew, for the most part, was what was going on in the prison block. And then he would be suddenly thrust out of the prison on some Cannery mission in some who-knows-where location.

In this case, the mission itself seemed to be pretty straight forward—check out the ship that the Red Dwarf had come across to make certain it was safe. And yet such things were never as simple as that. Lister had learned that from the years exploring when it had just been him, Rimmer, Cat, and Kryten. They had never once ran into some other being that didn't seem to want them dead, and mysterious ships often had some sort of other being or other various danger.

As always, they broke into smaller groups to explore the ship more fully. However, unlike usual, this time Kris pulled Rimmer off to the side.

"I'll check out this hallway with Ace," She said simply and started off without waiting for a response.

Lister could feel his jaw hang open as he watched the pair walk away.

"Come on, Sir. Let us check out this hall," Kryten suggested, oblivious to Lister's frustration to see Kris pair off with Rimmer. He liked to be the one to pair off with Kris because it was one of the few times that he actually got to spend any time with her.

"Yeah sure," Lister said, but his attention was still solely fixed on the backs of Rimmer and Kochanski.

Kris had leaned close to Rimmer, and they were obviously talking about something. Unfortunately, Lister was much too far away to hear what was being discussed.

"Sir?"

Lister tried to turn his focus back to checking out the ship, but he found he kept looking back behind him towards the direction Rimmer and Kris went. What were they doing?

All right, so Ace was a really great guy and was incredibly charming. But this Ace was really Rimmer! What was he thinking? Rimmer KNEW how much Lister was in love with Kris. And Kris couldn't possibly be interested. It was Rimmer! He wasn't charming—he was a complete smeghead!

A year had gone by with Rimmer being Ace, but could he have really changed all that much? When they had been back in Kris and Kryten's quarters and Rimmer had been talking about what he had been doing, Lister hadn't been at all certain how much he should believe. They were stories he could believe of Ace, but from Rimmer?

Lister shook his head. No, that wasn't quite right. Those were exactly the type of things he had envisioned Rimmer off doing. But he hadn't imagined that Rimmer would return and tell him such stories himself. When Rimmer had left to become Ace, and didn't immediately return a failure, Lister didn't think he would ever see Rimmer again. Surely Rimmer would be off on amazing adventures as Ace, and would never look back.

That wasn't to say that Lister hadn't missed Rimmer. Admittedly, he hadn't given Holo-Rimmer as much thought after the nanobots rebuilt the ship and resurrected Rimmer along with the rest of the crew. Rimmer was Rimmer no matter what Rimmer he was. For the most part, their personalities were more or less the same, though the different experiences since the crew's original demise and then return meant there were subtle differences between the resurrected Rimmer and the Holo-Rimmer. Certainly, there had been times when Lister found himself missing the Rimmer he had spent all those years alone on Red Dwarf with.

"Why look! There's Mister Rimmer and Miss Kochanski," Kryten said, snapping Lister out of his thoughts.

The two groups rejoined, but Lister tuned out the conversation as he stared intently at Kris. She also didn't seem to be paying any attention to what the others were discussing. Her eyes were a bit red, and she had this odd smile on her face. He followed her gaze and saw that she was looking at Rimmer. His hands tightened into fists as he noticed that Kris' mused hair and then Rimmer's rumbled shirt.

They couldn't possibly have… Kris wasn't that kind of… Rimmer wouldn't… No, it just wasn't possible…

And then Lister overheard Kris sigh softly to herself, "What a guy."

With that, Lister snapped.

…………………………..

author's note. I'm evil. I know. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up. Hopefully within a couple weeks.

This chapter was tough to write… I just don't have as strong a grasp on Cat, Kryten, or Kochanski. I wanted more of those three, but it wasn't coming out. Maybe at some point I'll go back and redo this chapter, but I was never going to finish if I kept waiting for it to be perfect. Ah well.


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